Life has a way of distracting you or causing you to lose your focus sometimes. I know this because it has happened to me....many times.
This last year was one of the most (if not the most) intense years of my life. For those of you who don't follow me on social media, basically my life-long battle with cancer took a screeching sharp turn right as my husband had accepted a position in full-time ministry. It caused us to literally stop in our tracks and reevaluate everything. In fact, there was a significant amount of time where we weren't even sure if I would survive this. It was almost too much to handle. Well....actually it was too much to handle on our own. Praise God...He didn't ask us to walk it alone. He led us every step of the way. It was an amazing thing of beauty.
During that time, God drew me to Himself in the most incredible and vulnerable ways I've ever experienced. And I thought I could never lose focus after that encounter.
I was wrong.
You see, my flesh is really good at interfering with my relationship with Jesus. I'm not even going to blame the enemy completely on this one. My own sinful desires can screw this up quite well on their own. And that's where I feel like I've been for most of the last handful of months.
In the effort of being completely honest....that's hard for me to admit. Why?
Well....because God has gifted me with a perspective of positivity and focus on Him during these horrific events in my life. He has opened my eyes and heart to Himself in astounding ways and has given me unwavering faith in Him. I've also been very public about it. So I've heard many times how encouraging my honesty has been. And I praise God for that! He is glorified: mission accomplished.
But I want you all to know something.
I struggle too.
I struggle to keep running this race at times. I get tired, weary, and discouraged. Some days I even struggle to open my Bible. I hate that. I don't want that. But it's the truth. I think if we all really looked at ourselves, we could admit that we've all been there at one time or another.
So what do we do with that??
Well that's where grace comes in.
Grace.
God's
Riches
At
Christ's
Expense
I love that acronym. It's such a reminder to me that my "performance" in this race has no merit on the outcome. Christ is the one who paved the way for me to be reconciled with God. Christ is the one who made the ultimate ransom payment for me that I could never pay. And Christ is the one who never leaves me when I slow down or get distracted.
And as if that isn't enough, He also gently guides me back and gives me glimpses of Himself to call me back to Him. EVEN THOUGH I DON'T DESERVE IT.
I'M the one who loses focus. I'M the one who loses desire. I'M the one who is undeserving of any grace and yet He still provides it day after day.
Ugh. Here come the ugly tears. But also tears of incredible gratefulness.
I pray that He will be glorified even in my brokenness. And it's in these times that I cry out to Him to renew my desire for Him and to ignite the passion inside of me that only He can.
Friend....if you are struggling, don't give up. There's always a reason to hope because of Christ. He has not abandoned you. Even when you feel distant, He's still right there. Just cry out to Him. Beg Him to ignite your passion. He will. Know too, that you're not alone in your struggles. And allow Him to use all of you for His glory and purpose. To God be the glory.
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us," Hebrews 12:1
