There are times in my life that I find myself asking God, "why"???
"Why did you allow this? Why did you answer this way? What purpose is there in this?"
I've even had the "Seriously, God?" with as much sarcasm as I can muster. Yes...sarcasm. And yes, I know He's God...but it does no good to pretend not to think it b/c He already knows what I'm thinking even before I think it so....
This question has rotated through time and time again....during my battles with cancer, watching others that I love and care for endure hardships, and many other times that I won't even get into here.
But now I find myself in a season, once again wrestling with that same question, but in a different context. I hesitate to share this because it feels raw and exposed....and honestly....silly. Why? Because I KNOW the truth, yet I still find myself fighting against the very real emotions that threaten to bubble over. But I have always vowed to be open with my journey...all of it....in hopes that it would be used as an encouragement for someone, and ultimately an arrow that points to our magnificent Savior. So here it goes.
I have found myself asking God these questions:
"You gave me this incredible and very difficult journey of battling cancer for a lifetime. I had thought you were leading me towards a specific path for your glory, but I'm not seeing that. In fact, most days I feel like there was very little purpose in it. Why? Why did you allow it? What is the purpose?"
Yuck. I don't like that that's where my heart has been lately. But, in all honesty, that's what I've been wrestling with. Sometimes when we think we have fully mastered or understood something, all of a sudden we realize we haven't...not even a little. Frustrating? Yes...very. Even though I KNOW the truth, reconciling that with my emotions is a very real battle sometimes.
Even though our encounters and journeys are different, we all get to the same "fork in the road" at some point. We inevitably get to the point where we want to know why.
"Why is this happening to me? Why were my prayers not answered? What purpose is there in this?"
This line of questioning, although not unique to any one person, often times will leave us spiraling down a path with seemingly no answers. That can lead to frustration, bitterness, anger, sadness, etc.
But what if we are asking the wrong questions? What if we are viewing this incorrectly? Would that change anything? I believe it would. So...naturally, the next logical question is: "How should we view it? What questions should we be asking then?"
Well, allow me to indulge you with a story that, I believe, gives us the answers to those questions.
Long ago, there was a man named Job. If you're familiar with the Bible at all, this name may sound familiar to you. (There's actually an entire book of the Bible detailing his story...it's called "Job". Original, I know. But you can read his full story there. I'm just going to give you the highlights here.)
Job was known as a righteous man...a good man...one who served and loved God well. Well, the devil knew that and wanted him to be tested. So, he made a deal with God thinking that he could break Job and prove God wrong. (Oh the irony of that is astounding. "Let's try and prove the Creator of the universe wrong"...the One who knows everything...including the future....I mean, can you get any dumber than that? Just sayin'....)
Job had quite the life. He was healthy, wealthy, happy, and secure. And then in one swooping day, all of that came crashing down. He lost e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g....in one day....ONE! I don't know about you, but I think most of us would lose our ever-loving minds if that happened to us. Am I right?!? But...Job didn't. His faith and trust in God were unwavering...for awhile.
But, you see, everyone has a breaking point...because we are human. Job eventually reached his and began questioning God. He got some bad advice from some "friends" too, which definitely didn't help. God was silent for awhile, but when He finally answered Job...it wasn't exactly a warm and fuzzy comforting response.
God basically told Job, "Who are you to question me? You don't need to know the why...you just need to know The Who." (I'm paraphrasing fyi.)
Wow.
Not exactly a "word hug" is it? More like a word kick in the pants.
But actually...it isn't. If you look deeper, it really is the most comforting answer anyone could receive. Here's why.
God reminds Job of who He is. He is the creator of ALL, He holds everything together, He knows all, and He has a plan....a marvelous plan.
God allows things for reasons we may never understand this side of eternity. It's imperative that we acknowledge and accept that. There's a few others things that we need to keep in mind as well. First, we have to remember that we are only a very small part of His magnificent masterpiece. We are just "extras" in His manuscript. HE is the star of the show.
Second,...
He. Is. God.
Too often we elevate ourselves to this position. We think we are "owed" something in this life. Guys, the only thing owed to us is death and eternal separation from God. Why? Because we are sinful! We are born that way. That's the curse that affected all of mankind from that fateful day in the garden. No amount of good works or anything else can alter that course. The ONLY thing that can is faith in Jesus Christ. He paved the way for us to be reconciled back with God. We don't deserve that by any means. That's what makes His grace so incredible!
So because of the fact that we aren't God, we are not owed any explanations of why. That can be hard to swallow b/c our sinful pride fights against God and we feel like knowing the why will somehow ease the pain.
But it won't.
Only knowing the who will bring relief and peace.
Job eventually figured that out. And when he did, peace was restored in his heart. The same thing can happen for us too when we surrender to Christ. When we open our hands and hearts in submission to Him and accept that we may never know the why, peace will come. Why? Because knowing Christ is enough. And part of knowing Him is trusting Him. And sometimes, we just need to be reminded of that. That's what I've needed. And God, in His infinite grace, has given me that reminder. Grace upon grace.
Even if our circumstances don't change....even if we lose everything....even if (fill in the blank)....we know we can trust the One who "holds all things together".
And actually....we do know the ultimate "why". It's ALWAYS for His glory. Always.
