How many of you feel like you're stumbling out of the last year- bruised, wounded, exhausted- like you've just endured the toughest boxing match of your life? Can I get an amen...? In some ways, I still feel like I'm in the ring...ready to tap out and admit defeat. Some days it feels like that, in full honesty.
One thing I've learned through the years is that, life is full of these boxing matches. Just when you think you've made it through and it should be smooth-sailing from here, you get blindsided by a beastly right hook again.
That has been my life for....well...most of my life.
Those of you that know my story, know that I've battled the brutal cancer monster for the better part of 21 years. The continual "flare-ups" of the nasty disease have kept me on my toes, as I never know when it will strike again.
But...ironically....that seems like a less exhausting battle than what this last year has brought to the ring.
Say what?!?
I know it sounds crazy...but guys...I am T-I-R-E-D and often days find myself so very weary. But hear me out as I make my case as to why this path has been harder.
Reason #1: You see, when dealing with cancer rounds, I always know- at some point- there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It's temporary. It WILL end...or at least take a big pause so I can catch my breath.
This "season" our world is in seems unending. Am I right?!? Some days it feels like we are going backwards even! When I don't see progress, it's deeply discouraging and makes it difficult to pull myself out of my "woe-pit".
Reason #2: The cancer fight is only in my world (and those within my world). It doesn't have a massive effect on most peoples' lives...mainly mine. Life goes on as usual around me. That actually has helped push me to keep going and has also given some normalcy to my own life during those hard times.
This pandemic and it's tidal waves have affected e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. Absolutely nothing has been unscathed by it. There is no normal anymore. And that is hard to swallow. It often feels like we are treading water in the deep end and frankly....I'm getting tired.
Reason #3: During my cancer bouts, God has taught me some pretty amazing things about Himself. I've seen miraculous things, been awed by Him, felt His presence so intensely, and have seen so much glory shown upon Him. It's ALWAYS exciting to see what He will do to reveal and glorify Himself through those times. I'm UTTERLY dependent upon Him and those times have drawn me closer to Him than anything else. They are bittersweet.
This season, if I'm being truly honest, I have struggled to feel any of that. Most times, I have felt distant and God has seemed silent. I've watched the Church get turned upside-down, have seen so many hateful and destructive things in our nation, and am often left with questions of "Why?" and "What are you doing, God?". It's been exhausting, deflating, and defeating.
Yet....I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. How?
Because there always is.
Guys, even though our world seems like we've stepped into an even wackier version of The Matrix, we- as believers- know that there is always a light. Even if we don't feel like it's there, we know it is. How?
Because God says it is.
HE IS THE LIGHT.
He is ALWAYS there.
He is ALWAYS working.
He is ALWAYS in control.
He has ALWAYS had a plan....a perfect plan.
We are just part of the narrative. Too often we buy into the false notion that we are the leading role in this screenplay. But, my dear friends, we are just merely extras. Jesus is the leading man and this whole thing is all about Him.
When we regain our perspectives and we fix our eyes properly on Him, these sentiments fall into place. Truth is illuminated and peace is restored in our hearts.
So, even though we are still so very much in the Twilight Zone, Jesus is still King. Even though I may feel distant, Jesus has promised that He is always near. Even though hope feels like it's lost, true hope is unlosable (yes that's a word- I looked it up!) because it's found in Jesus.
I know that some day I will see what God was doing here. (And yes, there have been good things I have seen already!) It may not be until eternity, but we will see it. Until then, we need to hold fast to His truth and to the fact that His perfect plan is still in motion. Thank you Jesus!
